I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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