no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
