I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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