Non-Jews are for practice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
