A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
