Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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