I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
