I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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