you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
