nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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