I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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