Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
