I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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