My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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