haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm both gender and math confused
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
