who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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