so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
