I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
