singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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