I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
