I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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