I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
