half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
