Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
