She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
