And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
