Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
