Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
