In the future we'll all be gay
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
