Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
