You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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