I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
