So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
