someone threw a dead crab at me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
