I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
