Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
