so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
