I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
