I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
