Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
