I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
