i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
