I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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