I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
