I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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