i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize