I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
