Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
