I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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