who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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