I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
