He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
