I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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