I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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