do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
