What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I still have a little drunk in my system
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
