I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
