hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
