I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
