is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize