I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
