There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
