yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize