I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
