I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
