Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
