Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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