you mean i was at the winter classic?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
